“The magic was all in the finishing touches.”
That’s what they all say, anyway. I’m not so sure about that anymore. I used to think so when I was young and naive and working as a lowly housemaid for the local motel. Note that I said “motel”, not ‘hotel’ or ‘inn’ or ‘b&b’. The slutty, nasty place where I worked was a very far cry from anything that would be considered civilized.
Now, as I stand in the parking lot looking at the shabby, weather cracked paint slowly drifting down to the searing pavement, I have to question the old mantra. Still, as I pick up my tattered suitcase and head for the office, I’m thankful. Maybe, I hope, the room will at least be clean…or should I really hope for such a magical touch?
The old motel, like me, has seen better days. There was a time when I was the most beautiful girl in town. My long, blonde tresses were always styled to perfection. My clothes came from the top designers, and my car was the newest one off the local sports car dealership’s lot. Yeah, at one time, my life was magical. That was before….
I accept the key from the grizzled old man behind the counter. It’s not the same grizzled old man that was there so long ago, but after a while, they all look and smell the same. Stale beer, stale smoke, stale body odor, and stale sex hang about him crinkling the nose and causing my stomach to lurch inside. The sooner I get out of the office, the better.
The key catches in the old lock. I jiggle it, thinking that this was one touch that had been ignored for entirely to long. All it needs is a puff of graphite, I mentally add as I swing the door open. I stop and blink…then, I blink again…
The magic, after all, is all in the finishing touches…
Braided Stars 
charming. Really, very well written. It’s engaging and full of interesting details that pull you in. This isn’t really my style of reading, but I would definitely like to read more. It’s very real, very present in the moment, very life-like. A great little piece, this
5 minute brainstorm in my world. Didn’t really even think about it, was just biffing off the cuff.
isn’t that how it goes? Sometimes it just comes, unbidden, and you find something real and honest and compelling.
It is great when that happens. It will go into my files, and one day it will no doubt appear in one of my books in some form or other. Short challenges are as much fun as the longer ones. (Nanowrite to be tremendously fun!)
Intersting little story. Such a huge amount of info in so small a piece, which is great 🙂
You left me wanting to know more, that’s for sure.
Hmmm, a story that leaves you with a whole world of questions. That’s a good thing. I want to read more. What happened to her? What kind of life did she lead? Why has she returned and for what?
Truth is, it’s left me wondering as well…lol! Guess I’ll tuck it away into my snipet file to be worked into something more, later. I can picture here opening the door to find a spotless, well-kept, and awesomely beautiful room, or else a really rotten corpse…either way it could be interesting.
Such a lot of background in a few words. Nicely done.
So much in so few words — wonder what caused her fall from grace?
Sounds like a place to avoid! Really tight use of words. I hope she can work her way up to staying at the Four Seasons!
Reminds me of a nasty motel I worked as a maid in when I was a teenager. Gnarly. It was the kind of motel you’d find used condoms on the floor of. You described it so well. I love the last line; the blinks.
Glad I did it correctly, then. 🙂 That’s just the kind of place I was thinking about. So, I’m left wondering what she’s blinking about, too. Maybe I should write the next paragraph…LOL!
“Stale beer, stale smoke, stale body odor, and stale sex hang about him….”
That is the most accurate description of a cheap motel clerk that I have ever read.
Awesome job.
I was thinking annoyed husband when I wrote it. I have a spark plug missing on my car, and I know hubby really doesn’t want to put a new one in in sub-zero windchills.
My favorite passage was the description of the motel clerk. Spot on and easy to picture.