for 35 of the last 43 years of my life I’ve prayed daily for those around me, prayed for those who’ve asked with no questions as to whether or not they believe in God, Our Creator, or not. I done so with a joyful heart and a blessed soul. In fact, I’ve never been happier as when I sat in the quiet of the moment and let my heart sing out the prayers to God for each and every one of you. The thousands of requests have been like a grain of sugar to sweeten my days. I have truly TRUELY LOVED praying for you.
Earlier today, I posted that the end of a life of prayer has been reached…
All my life, I’ve held your requests close to my heart speaking only to the Creator what you’ve shared. You know that I’ve held that trust above all others.
What has happened to change that devotion… well, just this past week, one of those desperate requests came to me from one who seriously suffers and that I know needs constant prayers. I’ve been praying daily for this person for many years as they cycle through their life. Always and ever, I’ve listened with patience and love, understanding their need. This time, when the request came through, it suddenly weighed so heavily upon my spirit that I could not even pray for this person. I could not even utter a prayer that would aid my own spirit to prayer. Suddenly, the prayer, any prayer is a weight to great to carry.
Words cannot express just how utterly and completely this has affected me on all levels. I once told myself when I was a nurse that the day my patients became numbers instead of persons, it would be time to retire. That day came, and I reluctantly left the medical profession. Likewise, I believe that day that praying for souls becomes less than something done with the whole spirit and soul, it is time to step away.
I want you to know that I’ve never felt that the thousands of prayers each week were ever a burden, or any such thing beyond joy… I love each and everyone of you. At Fort Ancient this year, Elder Sid was saying how he saw me sleeping with a smile on my face…. I wasn’t sleeping, I was praying. My spirit was standing in that place where there is no pain, no tears, no suffering, and I was lifting the cares that had been shared with me to the ONE who can answer and heal.
So, I’ve packed my fan, the new jingles gifted to me, and the medicine bundle passed to me through the generations, and the medicine name by which all have come to know me. It will not be opened or used again until Creator wills it.
Until then, I leave you in God’s loving hands.